Mad scientists unite
Reading through the archives on this site, I quickly realised that there are more insane, ignorant, lazy, adventurous, deluded, creepy, lazy, nerdy, nature hating, and JAW-DROPPINGLY BIZZARE people out there than I like to believe.  ¶ 3:13 pm

  Endless Octave
How long can you handle it?  ¶ 2:16 pm

  Kellie Kelly
I just spoke to someone on the phone named Kellie Kelly. You try to sound self-assured when thrown a curve-ball like that.

Yes, she pronounces them the same, I asked.

During a break in the conversation, someone at her end approached her and asked her something. I heard Kellie say "Sorry, I'm not Kylie, I'm Kellie. Kylie sits over there."

I was shocked. Surely when you are introduced to someone named Kellie Kelly, it's hard to forget that their name is... Kellie?  ¶ 3:55 pm

  Tush stud.
When I got my eyebrow pierced, my aunt freaked out. She was sayin’ stuff like “Ear-rings on men, now this. What next!? A pierced bum?!” I said to her, “Take a look Aunty, I’ve already got a bum piercing, its called a tush stud.” The concept of body piercing has only one place further to go. What’s the next logical step? One day my nephew is going to say to me: "Hey uncle Mark, check this out. I know you can’t see anything. Duh! No, put your hand here. Hey don’t freak out, its just a bladder ring man! Dude, you’re such an old man! I’m getting a pancreas stud next month, and I’m saving up for a liver tatt’."  ¶ 1:59 pm

 
When I got my eyebrow pierced, my aunt freaked out. She was sayin’ stuff like “Ear-rings on men, now this. What next!? A pierced bum?!” I said to her, “Take a look Aunty, I’ve already got a bum piercing, its called a tush stud.” The concept of body piercing has only one place further to go. What’s the next logical step? One day my nephew is going to say to me: "Hey uncle Mark, check this out. I know you can’t see anything. Duh! No, put your hand here. Hey don’t freak out, its just a bladder ring man! Dude, you’re such an old man! I’m getting a pancreas stud next month, and I’m saving up for a liver tatt’."  ¶ 1:49 pm

  Metablog: blogging about blogging
Meta-comedy: It’s a word I made up. Meta-communication is talking about talking, and meta-data is data about data. Meta-comedy is being funny about being funny. See! Good word hey.

Then there’s meta-irony: when irony is ironic. Alanis Morissette wrote a song called Ironic, which does have examples of bad luck, but does not in fact have any examples of real irony. The name and chorus of the song is being ironic because the song lacks ironic examples: Meta-irony.

Great, I've got a head-ache now.

Then there's meta-sarcasm: being sarcastic about sarcasm. Don't get me started.  ¶ 10:40 am

  The Anti-Nigella
You know Nigella Lawson? She shits me. She loves the food, loves cooking, loves everything about it. The food is erotic, the smells are alluring, the utensils are empowering, the appliances are magical, the stove is sizzling, the fridge is wintry, the pantry is welcoming, the plates are delectable, the napkins are cuddly, and a toothpick between your teeth is a wicked excess for the orally tidy. Wink at the camera.

She loves cooking as much as I love watching Charmed. Naked.

Now, I don’t like cooking. Just for balance, I’d like to see the polar opposite of Nigella get his own show. It wouldn’t be a big show, most people wouldn’t like him, but I’d like him. You might be flicking channels and find this guy behind a kitchen bench, saying “Now watch out for this stuff, it feels real icky, and tastes dodgy. I’ll be getting’ takeaway tonight. Now a lot of people love this stuff. Never trust seafood. Smells weird. Spices! Chuck em in the bin. Spices are too strong, appliances are baffling, your stove is a deathtrap, the fridge is septic, the pantry is alarming, my plates are disposable, cutlery is annoying, napkins are a waste of money (you got sleeves, right?), and a toothpick in the carpet is a vicious booby trap for the bare-footed.
  ¶ 9:59 am